College baseball player, Gray Thomas, had to go far out into left field
to find a girl like Dylan, the ex-love-of-his-life. More than a year later,
literally at a crossroads, they find each other together on a journey that is a
pause between a painful past and an uncertain future. In this sexy and offbeat
summer read, Gray and Dylan discover that a destination isn't always a place.
More often, it's a person. Now it's time for them to finally decide, is this
I try to un-want things. It’s
my latest challenge. And I’m continually broke, so it works out. Every day
people make lists of the things they want, or the things they need. Shopping
lists, to-do lists, grocery lists. I make it a challenge to un-want things. To
see what I can do without. I un-want new shoes and make do with my dirty, worn
out ones. I glue the soles together and sew holes. I un-want a new backpack and
sew a patch on the one I have. Casting something away it easy, but just because
it frays, just because it shows signs of age doesn’t mean it’s worthless. It’s
amazing how well things hold up if you give them extra love.
I un-wanted getting a haircut
and let it grow wild until I cut it myself. I un-want makeup and let my
freckles stand out. And strangely, in all the unneeding, I seem to gain more.
I look up at the door Gray
just walked out of. No matter how hard I try, I can’t un-want you. I can’t
un-need you. Sometimes we don’t know what we need until we’re shown what we
need. Up until then, we’re only making blind guesses. Sometimes, even when we
think we’re roaming, we’re just traveling in a long circle that eventually
leads us home.
I walk into the bedroom and
sit down on the bed. Dylan isn’t here; it gives me a chance for a mental pep
talk. I run my hands through my hair. I have to mentally rise above the
situation. I can’t let my mind go there. I can’t let myself remember. I can’t
let myself want her. She is the one thing I can never have.
I look up at the door she’s
about to walk through. I gave you up. I realized I wasn’t born to love you. I
was born to lose you. You are my sad song.My melancholy mix. My regrets, my what ifs. You are my past until you
suddenly crashed into my present. But you will never be my future.