I know who I am. I’m Cyrus Steel, son, brother, uncle, friend to people I choose to bring into my life.
I could fuck up anyone I want.
I know the devastation I can and have caused.
I can’t change the past, but I have chosen how to live now.
I like to fuck, and I will do a chick better than she’s ever been done. Hard and wild. No more than three hook ups. No expectations, no one gets hurt. As long as she agrees …it’s on.
One of my favorite tattoo’s bridges the V, and it says Truth.
A constant reminder of who I was and who I am now.
I wasn’t sure I knew how or even if I should tell him there was no one who loved me. Tony was the last person to say those words to me and he hadn’t meant it. He just wanted to use me.
That’s what this beautiful man underneath me, showed me today. He hadn’t used me, he didn’t even know me. But he thought I was beautiful, and he was nice to me. Tony was wrong about him, and even though I never want to see him again, I wish I could tell him just how wrong he was.
Can truth be altered? Can truth be seen when walls are built for protection, for self preservation? Will self doubt and years of pain cloud two hearts from finding their truth?
I never liked it when the tourist season slowed down on the shore. It meant less business at the shop and more free time on my hands. “Idle minds are the devils play yard”… that’s what Momma Joe always says. I suppose that’s why we started Forever Steel to begin with. Sure, it brought in more money than the restaurant did, especially this time of year. I buy that-- but with four boys I'm pretty damn sure it also had a hell of a lot more to do with our idol hands than our minds. Pretty sure the idea came about when she caught Zandor with our neighbor’s wife. Funny as shit watching her chase them both out of the garage with that broom.
Zandor's pants were around his ankles as he ran out and Miss Betty’s tits were flying in the air. She still had her pants on, so I was confused... nah-- more like curious at first to what REALLY went on in our garage that night. That was until Jase and I overheard her going off about how wrong it was to have sex with a married woman. She was sputtering in half Italian and half English her hands flying everywhere. I remember it like yesterday.
“Momma, I didn’t have sex with her. She was performing fellatio.”
“Where do you learn words like that, Aleszandor?!”
“In your books, Momma. It’s beautiful-- adoring one’s body, and your body being adored. Miss Betty was showing me the art work she had just gotten done, and ...”
“ZANDOR STEEL! Miss Betty has the leprechaun from that cereal tattooed on her fake breasts! It’s not art! Now is there something on your penis that she needed to adore?”
“Momma, not to brag but my penis IS a work of art….”
Jase and I were rolling when she pushed through the door and grabbed our ears, mind you we were a bit old for that shit but when your Momma is Josephina Steel-- that don’t matter at all. She dragged us out to the table and sat us down for one of those ‘chats’. Xavier was due home anytime, he was actually late but we convinced her that he had said after nine, not nine.
I rocked back in my chair and looked out the window as Xavier was running through the back yard zipping up his pants saying goodbye to Miss Betty’s oldest daughter. I laughed out loud and Momma tossed me a nasty look. Jase saw him too and he was dying. No doubt he was high, back then then… Jase was a fucking wreck with losing Charlee and then Little Bell. Xavier winked when he came and Zandor gave him a high five.
I knew right away that those fuckers planned it. He diverted the mom while Xavier finally tapped that ass next door. Betty’s daughter Sally, yeah Sally, was the neighborhood tease. You know the type, hot as fuck, but too good for anyone around here. Xavier sat down and Momma walked around the kitchen yelling, pleading…. she even cried. Well, fake tears but she gave it her all. Not quite Oscar worthy--maybe a daytime Emmy.
Zandor gave him a look that asked how it went and Xavier winked. Momma’s back was turned when Xavier reached across and swiped his finger under Zandor’s nose. Fucking pig! Zandor gave him the attaboy look and Xavier continued the game of sexual charades telling us what had happened. He sucked his fingers and Zandor mouthed ‘Good?’ He shook his head yes and sat back. Zandor made a circle with one hand and pointed one finger and mimicked intercourse. Xavier mouthed ‘Tomorrow’. Jase smirked and made a gesture mimicking a blow job and he shook his head no. Jase whispered, ‘She gave me one.’
Both Zandor and Xavier gasped and Momma turned around and continued her rant.
By the end of it, they all placed bets on who would get it first and I threw my chips all on the table. I was going to have them both…at the same time.
Momma was at the restaurant the next night helping Dad close up. I had one day left of leave before I deployed again so I took over a bottle of scotch, along with an apology to Miss Betty for my mother’s behavior. Sally came home and we did a few shots. One thing led to another and well let’s just say I won that fucking bet.
Later that night I shared the information with my brothers. Sally wasn’t as pure as she would have you believe. Betty wasn’t either. Xavier was pissed at me, honest to God I didn’t see that coming, or I swear I wouldn’t have bothered. I had plenty of two on one action. I got my heart broke too, once, and never fucking again so that was it. Why the fuck would I want a relationship that I had to worry about feelings, and dates, and hearts, and flower shit so that I could make love to a chick? Fuck the pleasantries! New rule for me since then, three times that’s it. I don’t miss guide anyone-- they know the drill. I’ll fuck you hard and wild, probably ruin you for anyone else but that’s all you get. You wanna ride this train? You bring the condoms and it’s on, if not, get to step-in. Let’s be honest here-- sweaty, dirty talk, ball slapping that ass, sloppy wet blow jobs ending in my cum all fucking over your face fucking, was better than hearts and flower’s bullshit… any day.
Sigma was my very first love (imaginary boyfriend). He lived about fifteen miles from my childhood home, (a farm). I took him chicken noodle soup every night on one of our families snowmobiles, (Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring). Apparently he was very ill and "Thank God" I was able to take care of him.
Next was my very first self publishing gig. At eight my cousins and I (and yes I was the president) wrote a newsletter and sold it to our family members.
Years later I decided to put it back into print to entertain my cousin as she was on an aircraft carrier on 9/11 (Kick ass cousin BTW) and very far away from home during a very scary time for our country, (protecting our butts).
Fast forward to 2012. I read 50 shades and thought, I can do that, (meaning writing). I have two complete series The Love Series, and Wrapped. I have two new series Burning Souls and Men of Steel. Ten books in 13 months. CrAzY and wonderful.
I love love! ( I would love to reference Pinks new song here, however I am not sure if that would cause copyright issues.)I also tend to enjoy watching people grow and change with self realization and moments of clarity that just sneak up behind you and smack you in the head. I love people and have always been able to see both sides of a story. Each person that comes into our life leaves us with something it is what we choose to do with it that helps us grow.
I live in central New York in the middle of nowhere and am surrounded by family and friend most the time. I run a small business out of my home and spend time reading and doing the typical Mommy things. Our house is full of pets and friends and noise ninety percent of the time, and I would have it no other way.
I love people,music, laughter, hugs, and books.